"What? You're sending your kid where?!" may be the first reaction a family gets after revealing plans to send a child to military school. But dig a little deeper and you find that the lessons learned in these exacting environments can lay a groundwork for lifelong success.

"Kids are looking for structure, whether we realize it or not," says Lt. Col. Jim DeLaney, communications director for Massanutten Military Academy, a coed college prep school for grades 6-12 in Woodstock, Va. Established in 1899, it is named for nearby Massanutten Mountain and began accepting girls in the ‘70s.

While military school is "not the kind of place where you see people doing push-ups all the time," DeLaney said, at most military schools, kids are called "cadets" and awaken to the sound of a bugle or bell. They are responsible for cleaning their rooms, presenting themselves in uniform in a neat manner, showing respect to their peers and superiors and adhering to rigorously structured study programs.

"Although I think that many students can derive great benefit from attending a military boarding school, those that seem to benefit the most are bright students who might ‘fall through the cracks' in many of today's large, impersonal high schools," says Robert Grant, guidance director of Fork Union Military Academy, an all-boys college prep school in Fork Union, Va., near Charlottesville.

"Many, many teenagers find it very difficult to maintain the proper priorities in the face of the many conflicting and negative pressures they face every day," he notes. "Most of our cadets are either very good students who want an educational experience that is more comprehensive and challenging in areas beyond the academics or students who were performing well until other life factors pulled them away from the appropriate future orientation."

The military school format is designed to give children the tools they need to succeed, which is what families seek when they pay tuition fees that generally run close to $20,000 annually. Many cadets are involved in Junior ROTC programs, which can pay off later in ROTC scholarships at service academies and other colleges. Some see it as spending college money early.

"Primarily, parents are looking for an upgrade in several areas of their teenage boys' lives," says Susan Johnson, assistant superintendent at Fishburne Military School, a private all-boys boarding school for grades 8-12 in Waynesboro, Va., in the Shenandoah Valley. The school saw its beginnings in 1879 and is named for its founder, James Abbott Fishburne.

"They're looking for intangibles, along the lines of organization, what to do first, time management — you only have so many hours in a day," she said. "It forces them to use their time to maximum production. There is an attention to detail. It's not good enough to just wear a uniform; we make them cognizant of presentation."

"In another setting, they are sometimes classified by the clothes they wear," DeLaney points out. "They're not differentiated here."

Some students who attend military school also gain social skills that give them the tools they need to become future leaders. Usually kids in their second or third year are responsible for a batch of younger students.

"It's your job to make sure your five little minions have their beds made, make sure that everything is swept and that the common areas are clean," Johnson said. "It's a bestowing of responsibility on those people who will take over in leadership positions in upper grades. It's important that that happen, because they live here. That's a tall order."

Families who enroll their children in military school "are looking for learning solutions," said Johnson. "Often times, it's the ratio of nurturing and caring within the classroom, it's prodding and pushing" that can make the difference. At Fishburne and other military schools, class sizes are often limited. "We usually have less than 10, no more than 12."

At most military schools, there is mandatory study hall and sometimes different levels of study hall. At Fishburne, there are three levels: "If a cadet is really in arrears and his grades are not good, an organized study hall is highly supervised," Johnson explained. At the next level, students work independently, with a teacher there to help answer questions. For students who are doing extremely well, "they get in civilians [out of uniform], listen to their music, have access to their computer in their dorm." They are on the distinguished honor roll. "It's a desirable thing to have, because not only is it good academics, but it earns you free time, down time," Johnson noted. "These are all things that people take for granted, and [here] they have to earn them."

The honor roll system is "the springboard to continued success," Johnson said. "I've had people walk in here who have said ‘I've never had an A before.' That's a revelation to them, that ‘I can do this.' "

Some see military schools as a place of last resort, for kids with academic or disciplinary problems of one kind or another. "A lot of people think military school's sole purpose is to deal with children who are having discipline problems," said DeLaney. "Certainly we do get inquiries, but that's not always the case."

"I think that the primary misconception is still that military schools are for kids (though primarily this means boys) who are ‘in trouble' either in school or their community," said Robert Grant.

"At times I've been told that military schools are filled with boys who have been sent here by the court system. Nothing could be further from the truth…in fact, most military schools will not take students who are involved in the court system."

"Probably the second misconception (though this is by far not a negative one) is that they are only for kids who plan a military career," he said. "We do have a larger-than-proportional number of boys who are interested in some type of military activity after high school (primarily through a service academy appointment or ROTC), but this is by no means the majority of our graduates."

"Some people steer clear of military schools because of the Hollywood impression that they're boot camps," said Celeste Brooks, director of public relations for Randolph-Macon Academy, a coed college prep military school established in 1892 in Front Royal, Va. "A few are designed that way, but most are college prep programs with a military component."

Randolph-Macon Academy requires its students to participate in the Air Force Junior ROTC program, one of the main reasons many students choose the school. Students can start flying planes, with an instructor, during their freshman year, flying a Cessna 152 out of the Warren County Airport. They can solo on their 16th birthday. The academy began accepting girls to the school in the mid ‘70s. Brooks explained that girls choose the school for the same reason the boys do — for the flying program component as well as the leadership and study skills they gain.

Families unfamiliar with military schools might think they do not foster independent thinking, but Brooks said Randolph-Macon encourages that sort of thing.

"If I could read a quote to you, it's something one of our parents said," Brooks said. "‘Our daughter has become more independent and believes it's possible for her to make a difference in the world. She has learned that not all adults are intimidated by a teenager who has strong personal beliefs and that it's okay to argue her point of view and be an individual.'"

But structure and self-discipline are what draw many to choose a military school.

Johnson notes bluntly that early intervention in a child's life is necessary; once a child has reached adulthood, a parent can't turn back the clock. Military school, in a way, is a kind of tough love.

"I believe that every parent is obligated to create the best adult that he or she can in his or her child," Johnson said. "And sometimes the circumstances are you have to call in for help, just like a child needs braces or glasses. They need an educational scaffold."

"The parent is responsible for moving students from point A to B," she said. "The perception might be that the parents dump this child at Fishburne. Well, we want parents on board. Advisors, faculty, parents — it takes a village to take children the distance they need to move. I think we're saving lives, redirecting lives."

The first year at military school can be a "tough time," Johnson said, with kids learning the rules and history of the school. A military school, by its nature, is "meticulous and precise. Someone coming from the outside has to learn to say ‘Yes sir.' We accord them [superiors] every bit of respect they've earned by getting that rank."

Kids have a better chance of success if the parents have the right attitude, Johnson noted. "You do have people who find the contrast to be too difficult. You wonder, ‘Can they make it? Will they kick in and do it?' Not if they don't have the parent thing; it depends on the attitude. You need a parent who is willing to trust us to do the right thing. You can't have a parent who calls up and says ‘He's just a little boy, don't punish our Junior.' "

Grant, of Fork Union, echoes those sentiments. "Parents need to understand that military boarding schools strive to prepare students in many areas of life beyond the academic," he said. "In our mission of developing leaders of character, we demand a complete change of life style on the part of the student and a different orientation towards school on the part of the parent."

"I tell parents that we are not simply educating their child…..We are helping the parents to raise him under a very traditional set of values," he said. "Parents must be ready to step back a bit and let go….If they do this, most students will rise to the many challenges a military school presents and will be very successful. While the students are very protected and supervised in many ways, they need to be able to perform their many duties here without parents watching their every move or trying to prevent them from making a mistake."

Most would probably say that military schools are a training ground for young adults who will one day join the military. "We are a college preparatory school," DeLaney emphasized. "There are some [other military schools] not like us that fit the mold. Our purpose here is to prepare our cadets…to go on to college."

At one time, there were about 300 military schools in the United States. Today the number is only about 30, with a substantial number located near the Washington area in Virginia.

"We are the cradle of presidents," Johnson quipped, "and the parade field for military schools."

Mary Ann Barton is a Washington Parent contributing writer.

Fishburne Military School, Waynesboro, Va. All boys, grades 8-12. 800-946-7773. www.fishburne.org.

Fork Union Military Academy, Fork Union, Va. All boys, grades 9-12. 1 800-GO-2-FUMA. www.forkunion.com.

Hargrave Military Academy, Chatham, Va. All boys, grades 7-12. 434-432-2481. www.hargrave.edu.

Massanutten Military Academy, Woodstock, Va. Coed, grades 6-12. 877-466-6222. www.militaryschool.com.

Randolph-Macon Academy, Front Royal, Va. Coed, grades 6-12. 800-272-1172. www.rma.edu.

Valley Forge Military Academy, Wayne, Pa. All boys, grades 7-12. 800-234-8362. www.theforge.net.