I can’t get those lyrics out of my head! After hearing Harry Chapin’s 1974 song about a father’s lost years with his son in "Cat’s in the Cradle," playing on the radio, I am panicked. My 16-year-old son is counting down the last seven days until he gets his driver’s license. He will go to college soon, followed two short years later by his sister. There are still so many memories to make, wisdom to impart and bonding to do. I am running out of time.

How do I build memories and offer advice with a teen who speaks in monosyllabic grunts? How do I bond with a son who hangs around his parents just enough to reach our daily minimum requirement? Some days I think, "Why should I even try?"

The "why bother?" question is answered by adolescent experts, most of whom agree that a connection between teenager and parent or other appropriate adult provides the foundation upon which all other interaction is built. "Teens who are connected to adults who they respect, admire and want to emulate are less likely to become involved in risk-taking behaviors," says adolescent psychologist Michael Bradley, Ed.D., author of Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! He goes as far as saying, "Forming that connection is truly the secret to growing good people."

As a parent interested in growing "good people," how do I build this connection, while also making memories and offering useful advice to help my children become responsible adults? Fortunately, the experts also agree that these activities are not mutually exclusive. "Beg, borrow or steal opportunities for time with your teen," Bradley says. Two key areas to focus on include training your teen in "real world" tasks, such as laundry, cooking and cleaning, and honoring family time and traditions — even if your teen calls them "corny."

Summertime offers more downtime to focus on the life skills my teens need to develop. The time I spend working with my son while he masters a new skill or performs a household chore affords us valuable time to reconnect.

But be careful how you divvy up the chores. Though it’s tempting to assign my least favorite chore (laundry!) to the kids, Patti Cancellier, education coordinator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington, suggests including the kids in the selection process.

"Write down all the tasks it takes to run the house and ask your teens what they would be interested in taking on," Cancellier says. "Discuss a mutually convenient schedule for training on this new responsibility, as well as the natural and logical consequences of not following through with the task." Granted, what tasks my teens choose will probably not be the ones I’m most interested in giving up, but offering a choice is a mutually respectful way of sharing the load, even if it’s not a load of laundry!

Adolescent experts also cite the importance of family time as a way of maintaining the parent-teen connection. "Reach out to the adolescent holed up in the basement who seems so hard to relate to," Bradley says. Teens want you to be interested in their lives, even if they act like they don’t.

Mealtime. Eating together as a family is an important way to connect each day. A study performed by The National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse (CASA), at Columbia University, concluded that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs. The website, www.familytable.info, offers easy and refreshing ways to share more than just food at your family meal.

Celebrations. Despite their sarcasm and wisecracks, teens really do want parents to acknowledge and celebrate their accomplishments. A study by Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) and Liberty Mutual Insurance Co., shows that teens who get the least parental attention to life events, such as puberty, school changes, birthdays, are twice as likely to engage in high-risk behaviors and suffer from emotional problems, including drinking, drug use, sexual intercourse, depression, stress and boredom.

Vacations. Another important time for family connections is the annual or semi-annual vacation. Involving your teen in vacation planning — including location and time frame — can pay big dividends in the connection bank. Many brave parents say to truly reconnect with your teens, try a camping trip free of all electronics (but expect some major grumbling along the way).

Downtime. Wendie Lubic, parent of two teenage girls, uses the book R.A.T. - Real World Aptitude Test: Preparing Yourself for Leaving Home, by Homer E. Moyer, Jr., to make family time fun and educational. The book offers an entertaining way for all family members to assess their knowledge of life topics, such as first aid, money, etiquette and cooking.

So I’ll spend some time this summer respecting my teenager’s desire to sleep until noon and I’ll tolerate his eye-rolling whenever I make a request. I’ll also honor my own need to squeeze in some life lessons and engage in some family fun along the way. And when the going gets tough, I’ll hum a line or two of "Cat’s in the Cradle" to encourage me to keep trying. I know there’s a big payoff down the road.

T: Take time to communicate with your teen. Teens are often most talkative late at night when you’re ready to hit the hay.

E: Engage in their world. Be willing to relate to your teens in ways that are familiar to them. Share music for your iPods, grab coffee at Starbucks or communicate (not entirely) via text message or IM.

E: Expect teens to take responsibility. Make sure they share some of the work of running a household. Take responsibility for teaching them life skills.

N: Need their help and opinions. We all like to feel appreciated and respected for our skills, knowledge and ideas. Ask for your teens’ help.