More than 4 million children begin toilet training each year, and much of that training occurs during the summer months. Whether it's because toddlers grapple with less clothing during warm weather or because parents feel the stress of a looming preschool requirement that all children arrive diaper-free on the first day of school, the month of August often means that potty pressure is on! Before you decide to join the troops heading for the toilet, consider whether your child is truly ready.

Medical experts advise looking for specific developmental milestones before embarking on your journey to the potty. Physically, a child needs gross-motor skills and coordination to get his pants up and down by himself. And he needs to identify the sensation that it's time to head for the bathroom. Cognitively, a child needs to mange two contradictory ideas at once: the need to stop and go to the bathroom versus the desire to continue playing. Emotionally, he needs to be eager for the next big step towards independence. (See the sidebar "Ready? Set? Go!" for typical signs of potty training readiness.)

Medical research does not support the idea of toilet training before age 2. The researchers behind one Philadelphia study conclude that early toilet training often takes longer. This can be more frustrating for both the parent and the child.

Chaya Richman, who lives in Silver Spring, recalls some of her daughter's cues. "I waited until Maia showed signs that she was ready – telling me her diaper was dirty or that she had to go peepee."

Advice about how to potty train abounds – and is often contradictory. Sometimes it's easier to identify what approach you don't want to use. Kristin Burka decided to wait until her child was older after seeing how poorly an early start worked for her friends. "Having watched friends holed up at home for a long weekend, running their 2-year-old to the bathroom every hour for three days wasn't my cup of tea," says the Chevy Chase mother who's now been through the process three times. "And a few of those kids had accidents frequently for years after they were considered potty trained."

The path you decide to take to the potty with your child has to be right for your family and suited to both your child's temperament and your own. The American Academy of Pediatrics' Guide to Toilet Training (Bantam Books, 2003) emphasizes that "nearly any non-punitive approach to toilet training will get the job done sooner or later, but an approach specially tailored to your child's stage of development and learning style will take you both through the process in the most positive, efficient way."

The good news is that most children are toilet trained by age 3 _. Some common wisdom is correct; girls tend to be diaper-free earlier than boys. According to a 2003 study at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, the average age when girls were fully trained was 35.8 months, while boys were still practicing their potty skills until they were 38 months old.

Some people like to make a big deal out of shopping for cool, new, big-kid underwear. You'll certainly want to make a trip to the store for a few pairs of elastic waist shorts and some waterproof mattress pads.

Nearly every beloved children's character stars in a potty-related book or DVD. These help introduce your child to potty training. Don't miss "It's Potty Time" (Duke Family Series, 2000) with unforgettable lyrics like, "She's a super-duper pooper," and "On top of my potty, I'm learning to poop. Life is much better when your diapers don't droop."

Introduce the potty seat (or a padded ring that fits in a regular-sized toilet seat) matter-of-factly and consider letting your child observe you and any siblings using the toilet. Toddlers are masterful mimics. Letitia Denaburg's fourth child – and only daughter – learned from watching her three older brothers. "When Olivia was a little over 2 years, her older brother came running upstairs yelling, 'Mommy, come quick! Olivia is trying to pee like a boy!' Sure enough, Olivia was standing in front of the toilet with a puddle at her feet," remembers the Potomac mother.

After deciding not to start training too early, Burka developed the relaxed approach that most experts advocate. "I followed the old adage that children will not go to college with their diapers or their pacifier, so I didn't sweat it too much," says Burka. When her kids showed interest, which was between ages 3 and 4, they started wearing underpants, and that was it. "I can count on two hands the number of accidents my kids have had," Burka says.

Be wary of incentives, like stickers and toys, for a job well done. Offering your child a piece of candy when she pees in the potty may work in the short term, but reward inflation follows. Soon a piece of candy or a sticker isn't enough, and the child stops using the potty until you proffer something even more tantalizing. Remember that using the potty is a major step towards independence. By suggesting that the reason to use the potty is to win something, you rob your child of the chance to feel proud of himself. In addition, if using the potty is more important to you than it is to your child, you might end up right back at the changing table.

Potty training takes time and patience. It's not uncommon for the process to take 8 to 10 months, and that usually includes some stops and starts. For example, regression after the birth of a new sibling is typical.

Another challenge is nighttime training. Most children master daytime dryness before they can make it through the night dry. Richman's daughter Maia is a good example. "At first we let her go with underwear at night, thinking she would wake up when she wet the bed," Richman recalls. But instead, her daughter just slept through it. "After that, she agreed to wear pull-ups until she was dry for a long time and felt ready," Richman says.

Experts applaud parents who avoid putting unnecessary pressure on the child. The best thing parents can do is be patient and offer as much support as possible throughout the process.

Sarah Skolnik is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington. She lives in Bethesda with her husband and 8-year-old twins. For more information about parenting, go to www.parentencouragement.org.

Check these signs to make sure your child is ready to potty train:

• Is your child interested in watching others use the potty?
• Does your child have a dry diaper for several hours?
• Does your child ask to be changed when his diaper is wet or dirty?
• Does your child tell you when he needs to use the potty?
• Can your child pull his pants up and down without help?