Ages and Stages Column
Witches, Ghosts and Gobblins
Spooky, Not Scary, Halloween Fun

by Emory Luce Baldwin, LCMFT

Jamie Jones has been talking about Halloween and trick-or-treating for weeks. But now that the big night is here, he is literally shaking in his size 2 sneakers. Every night this week, he cried because he didn't want to take off his superhero costume before bed. Tonight he is crying because he doesn't want to put on his costume and go out to trick-or-treat. His mom tried to reassure him by promising him that nothing bad will happen, and his dad urges him to "be a big boy," but Jamie wants nothing to do with Halloween. "It's too scary!"

Age	Common Fears
3-5 years	darkness separation from parent masks animals monsters "bad" people
6-8 years	thunder/lightening sleeping or staying alone physical harm to parents death of a parent fears based on media events
9-11 years	social issues not being "good enough" bodily harm to self or others death of a parent tests

Jamie, like many other young children, likes the idea of Halloween more than the actual experience. He enjoys dressing up and eating candy, but he hesitates when it comes to walking around the dark neighborhood and seeing people in scary costumes. At home, or playing with his friends, Jamie is in control of how scary their imaginary play becomes. But stepping outside the door tonight, where costumed monsters and scary guys may be stalking, is more than Jamie can handle.

Young children are often fearful about many things, including monsters and ghosts. So for them, Halloween is a more challenging experience than it is for older children. Halloween, after all, is a mix of both fun and scary happenings, some of which are child-friendly and some of which are just plain scary. Older children often relish the opportunity to master their fears by dressing as wildly or scarily as possible. Younger children lack the experience that older children have and may be timid or cautious because they are still learning what to expect from Halloween.

Childhood is full of rich fantasy worlds, and many young children have successfully dealt with pretend monsters and bad guys who are scarier than any ordinary trick-or-treater. Through their play, young children experiment and problem solve in all types of situations - with the built in safety of being in control. Children intuitively play with the themes and issues that they most need to learn and practice. Eventually, children learn through play how to understand and live in the real world.

Despite their active imaginations, most young children understand that Halloween's witches, ghosts and monsters aren't real, but they find them just as scary as if they were real. Even the most ridiculous witch with green hair or 4-foot Frankenstein on his front door step may frighten a young child.

Young children often go through stages where they are more fearful about the dark, scary monsters and the bad guys who might hurt them. Children need to experience these fears to learn how to handle them. In the meantime, if your little one is afraid of Halloween's ghosts and goblins, here are some suggestions of ways to help him:

Tips for Helping Your Child Overcome His Fears - at Halloween and Other Times: