December 2008
Raising Kids Who Get Giving
By Lynne Ticknor, M.A.
If your school-age children have a terrible case of the “Gimmes” this holiday season, you are not alone. Children are bombarded with marketing campaigns designed to have them turn to their parents and demand, “I want that!” It’s difficult to teach the lesson that it’s better to give than to receive. Raising children to be philanthropic is a parenting challenge that’s easy to overlook. How do you teach a child to be philanthropic? It’s not a conversation you can sit down and have once with your child and – boom! – she gets it. Giving to others, whether in the form of a donation of money or time, is a value that we must instill in our children over time. As Carol Weisman says in her book, Raising Charitable Children, “Family values are more caught than taught.” Here are some questions to ask yourself when you start sensing that your children are not being as charitable as you’d like.
Do You Talk About Philanthropy?
Although you might believe that the amount of your charitable donations should remain private, don’t keep the fact that you are giving a secret. Talk about how you help others. If you contribute part of your salary to the United Way campaign at work, bring home the literature and discuss it. If you read a news article about someone doing philanthropic work that inspired you, share it with your family. The more you talk about giving to others, the more it will become a regular part of life.
Does My Child Understand?
Elementary-age children are cognitively and socially able to understand the act of being charitable. But, if you think your child doesn’t truly appreciate the significance of volunteering, show her firsthand how charity work helps people in need. The younger you can start your children volunteering and donating, the better. Teaching children at a young age sets the expectation of giving to those less fortunate.
Are You Philanthropic?
Lead by example. Being active in your community and making donations to charitable causes is the best way to teach your children about the importance of philanthropy. Children notice how parents spend their time. Many charitable events, particularly walk-a-thons, encourage family participation with kid-friendly activities and are a great way to promote involvement. Your kids will even get in some healthy outdoor activity as part of the bargain. You don’t have to raise a thousand dollars to participate; although some events have minimum donations, many do not. Also start by picking charity events that your child can relate to – if she loves animals, raise money for a shelter; if a close family member or friend has been affected by a disease or illness, raise money for research.
What Activities Do I Encourage?
With weeks filled with sports games, music lessons, school projects, after-school clubs and homework, it sometimes feels impossible to find the time and energy to volunteer. Decide what is most important. If volunteering time is important to you, then perhaps having your child play on two sports teams or being involved in several clubs really isn’t teaching her the lessons you want her to learn. Another idea is to tie volunteering to other activities. If your child plays a musical instrument, maybe she could play a free concert at the local nursing home. If she is involved in the photography club at school, she and her classmates could volunteer to take pictures to advertise local homeless animals ready for adoption.
Do You Give Year-Round?
We often focus on giving to others during this time of year, but be sure to schedule your philanthropic activities year-round. Make it a part of everyday life. Giving a little bit every day adds up to much more than one major commitment during the holiday season and usually meets with less resistance from your child.
If you are still struggling to get your child committed to charity, try giving her the decision-making power. Sit down together and discuss how much money your family should reserve for donations. Then, allow your child to pick one or more charities to contribute to. Similarly, decide how much time the family should spend volunteering, and seek out opportunities to volunteer together. The following websites will get you started.
Lynne Ticknor is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington. She writes frequently about parenting for national and regional publications. For more information about PEP’s parenting classes, visit PEPparent.org, or call 301-929-8824.
Philanthropic Websites
1-800-volunteer.org
An informative site that provides a way to find local volunteer opportunities.
bbb.org/charity
The Better Business Bureau provides reports and other information to help the public make informed and wise giving decisions.
Dosomething.org
This website is a community where young people learn, listen, speak, vote, volunteer, ask and take action to make the world a better place.
www.Familycares.org
The FamilyCares program, generated by Points of Light Institute, helps to promote compassion through hands-on family projects that help others in need.
Kidscare.org
Kids Care develops compassion and inspires a spirit of volunteering in elementary and middle school youth.
Randomkid.org
Provides staff and services to youth for the development, management and accomplishment of their goals to help others.