April 2009

School Counselor's Corner

Spotlight on Bullying

By Erin Mantz

Introducing School Counselor's Corner, a new column where we spotlight different issues elementary school counselors are successfully tackling in schools across the Washington, D.C., area. This month, we speak with school counselor Sarah Kanter from Bells Mill Elementary School in Potomac, who shares her thoughts and strategies for working with students today.

Kids kicked out of kickball. A third-grader "disinvited" to a ClubPenguin.com "playdate" after school. In some ways, the face of bullying in today's age has changed, and in other ways, it's stayed the same. Kids are still kids, but hurt feelings and settings for socializing now extend way beyond playground politics, onto bus routes, Internet time at home and jam-packed after-school scheduled activities.

But helping students, parents and teachers navigate through these scenarios--at this Montgomery County school--is the school counselor, a valuable resource and sounding board in dozens of situations.

Q: When we think of bullying among grade schoolers, many parents of my generation conjure up images of the boys in the movie A Christmas Story getting pummelled with snowballs by the school bully as they walk home from school (without parental supervision, I might add). But times have changed. Ours is a suburban community where most kids ride buses, are scheduled into multiple after-school activities in different locations and make playdates during recess to meet up on ClubPenguin.com at night. In this environment, what kinds of bullying or social situations and problems can arise?

A: Bullying can be social and emotional, as well as physical. I teach students to identify bullying as a pattern of meanness and realize it can happen anywhere. Many times children have issues in school that started outside of school at a sporting event, playdate or neighborhood incident. Even though kids are more scheduled today, kids can exclude others, tease each other or hurt each other in these settings. Another issue is that some kids are feeling overscheduled by all these events. Riding your bike to the park to meet up with friends is no longer the norm. Kids are losing that sense of social freedom because there is so much planned for them.

In kindergarten and first grade, it is still about joining games and finding others to play with. I teach these students how to work out small problems at recess, such as what to do if you both want to use the same ball and can't figure out how to handle it. Safe play is also a big issue in these younger grades.

With second and third graders, we start to see "clubs" or social exclusion taking shape. I work with students to make sure they include others. Seven- to 9-year-olds also take sports very seriously at recess and there are a lot of disagreements over teams and unfair calls. We are trying hard to help the kids view recess as a time to run around and have fun--not just a time to win a game.

Fourth and fifth graders also struggle with being left out at recess. Some students have a clear idea of what they will be doing at recess in terms of playing a certain game or hanging out with certain people. But for those students who feel unsure of what to do at recess, it can be a tough time. I run lessons focused on making sure everyone is included and show kids how to find ways to have fun with unstructured time. Here we are seeing the effects of overscheduling kids. Many students don't seem to know what to do with unstructured time.

Q: What kinds of programs do you run in the classroom--or integrate into school communications--that teach kids what bullying is and how to not do it or not be victimized by it?

A: I do a lot of lessons on bullying starting as early as second grade. I teach students how to recognize it and what to do if they are somehow a part of bullying, either as the victim, bystander or bully. Through role-playing, stories and discussions, students learn about different types of bullying. A lot of lessons are about what to do if you feel teased, left out or bullied. I teach students that although teasing is something that happens, they don't have to feel like a victim, and there are steps to take to reduce teasing and bullying. At my school, students are surveyed monthly to see if they are being teased at school and where it is happening. This gets the whole school on board with reducing teasing and bullying! The kids literally cheer each other on if their class reports that no one has been teased.

Q: What about cyber bullying? How are school counselors addressing this rising issue?

A: There is a lot of press about cyber bullying, and it is very real. Kids, just like adults, feel safe on the Internet, and they will write things that they would never say in front of others. We are already addressing this very serious issue through cyber-specific lessons and discussions. Parents need to take an active role and monitor their children's activity on the Internet. Recently, I did a lesson with fifth-grade students about how quickly an e-mail can be forwarded. These students learned firsthand how quick a situation can be out of their hands and spread online.

Q: What should a parent be aware of --signs their child may be getting bullied--since it may not be as obvious as coming home with a black eye, like in the "olden days."

A: Some signs that your child is being bullied or excluded at school include frequent complaints of stomachaches, school avoidance or shying away from school social events. If this is happening with your child, ask him if everything is okay at school and ask about his social interactions. For instance, ask who he sits with at lunch and on the bus or who he plays with at recess.

Q: What made you decide to become a school counselor?

A: I always knew I wanted to work in a school system and was always very interested in psychology and human development, specifically, personality development. Even though much is neurologically based, people's personalities are heavily impacted at a young age by their environment and social learning. This is something I am very interested in, and I knew I wanted to be a part of social learning on a broad scale. I pursued education in the beginning and taught first grade in an elementary school. While there, I discovered my true passion: school counseling!

Q: Is there any memory you have from childhood about bullying occurring at your school? How does that impact your efforts now?

A: One memory involves a girl who was excluded and teased for various reasons. The school counselor did not get involved because the role of the school counselor was so different back then (the late ‘80s/early ‘90s). Perhaps if we had some of the guidance lessons then as students do today, more kids would have stood up for that student and put an end to the bullying. This memory and thought inspires me as a school counselor to help students take a more active role with bullying and social exclusion.

Q: Do you think people have an accurate idea of what the elementary school counselor role is able to do? What else would you want parents and/or kids to know?

A: School counselors support school programs, a positive school climate and academic achievement. We help children solve problems with peers, work through tough family issues, teach guidance lessons, lead counseling groups and meet with parents to discuss specific concerns. My main goal is to teach kids to advocate for themselves and learn to be responsible citizens who make good choices.

Q: What is beyond the school counselor role; what do parents need to know about the fine line between school-related bullying and bullying that happens off school premises but is between students from the same school?

A: This can get complicated, but it happens frequently. Parents need to know they have an important role to play in regards to their children's emotional well-being. Since students from the same school often see each other outside of school, there can be teasing and bullying that goes on then. The school steps in with school-related bullying, but parents must step in with bullying outside of school. Of course, parents can reach out to the school counselor for advice or ideas, and it is a good idea to let the school know if bullying has happened outside of school so they are prepared for any repercussions in school. But, ultimately, it's the parents that must play the role of educator, enforcer and mediator in these situations.