December 2010
Doing Good for Goodness Sake
By Robbye Fox
"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
When it comes to our children doing good deeds during the holiday season—and throughout the year—there are certainly many people watching. Schools and religious organizations not only watch, but also count a child’s volunteer hours so that she can meet the community service requirement for graduation. Private middle and high schools and colleges review a student’s volunteer record as a requirement for admission. While the pressure to meet service requirements can be cumbersome for procrastinators, there are numerous benefits to our children doing good and learning social interest on behalf of others, even when no one is counting.
Social Interest
The term “social interest” was coined by Austrian physician and psychologist Alfred Adler (1870-1937), who defined it as one’s “sense of community or contribution to the common welfare.” According to Adler, whose theories form the basis for many of today’s positive discipline programs, children seek ways to belong in a social group and to be seen as useful or contributing members within the group. Adler found that this need for a sense of community is also linked to children’s behavior and that children who learn the values of social cooperation and community are more likely to stay mentally healthy throughout life. Adler taught that parents and teachers should foster children’s social interest from an early age by giving them tasks that help them not only to become independent, but also to contribute to the family or larger social group.
More recent studies concur with the high value Adler placed on social interest. Some findings include:
- Children’s ability to cope with stress increases directly with their level of being engaged in a community and contributing toward the needs of that community. There’s nothing like helping someone less fortunate to give you an improved perspective on your own troubles.
- Children with higher levels of social interest and community engagement are less likely to commit crimes as juveniles.
- When children feel a sense of community within their family or classroom, they are less likely to misbehave because their primary need—belonging to the group—is being met.
- Children who contribute in meaningful ways to their family or classroom learn and acquire tangible skills for daily living as well as the intangible benefits of confidence, teamwork, cooperation and even the opportunity to be exposed to potential careers.
- According to the Corporation for National and Community Service, people who begin volunteering as children are substantially more likely to donate time and money throughout adulthood than those who begin serving later in life.
Increasing Social Interest at Home
The holiday season is filled with opportunities to do for others, but how do we continue that spirit year-round? Integrating volunteerism and social interest into our daily lives does not have to become another item on the “To Do” list. In fact, engaging children in the daily work of the family can feed their need to contribute and feel capable. Children as young as 3 can be trained to do simple household jobs that benefit the family. Although training and supervising children to do chores takes time, children will develop a higher level of social interest if they are given regular opportunities to contribute. Other tips for encouraging social interest:
- Start at home. Encourage each member of the family to do something nice every week for another family member as a surprise (above and beyond required chores).
- Think local. Do yardwork or prepare a meal for a neighbor who is elderly or facing an illness or other family trauma.
- Select activities that fit your child’s skills, talents or interests. Your outgoing daughter might want to perform a dance at a nursing home, while your son, who loves to dig in dirt, would enjoy helping plant flowers in front of the home.
- Make it a group effort. There is nothing that brings people closer together than working for a good cause. Add a small service initiative to your child’s sports team, such as a car wash to earn money for a local charity or a food or coat collection drive. Allow the kids to choose the task and perform as much of the coordination and work as possible.
- Consider a family service vacation. Opportunities abound locally and abroad as more families use all or a portion of their vacation time to experience different cultures while helping those in need.
- Model the desired behavior. In a 2004 study of elementary-age children funded by the American School Counselor Association, the authors found that it is especially important for parents and other adults to model volunteering, as young children will begin to see it as simply something one does—a requirement of living.
Robbye Fox is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington (PEPparent.org) and a parent of three active adolescent volunteers.