Julia M., an 11-year old living in Washington, D.C., has an unusual request for her parents: stricter consequences for misbehavior. "I feel like they're giving too many warnings to me and my sister," Julia explains.

She'd really like a chart that lists the specific consequence for each offense: poking each other, biting, hitting or other mischief. If the girls knew exactly what to expect, she says, they would learn from their mistakes. Even better, they wouldn't argue when their parents cracked down on their behavior, because they would know the consequence ahead of time.

"If they thought about it, they could come up with reasonable consequences that the children would learn from and the parents would get what they want," says Julia.

She's not the only child in the Washington area noticing her parents' mistakes—certainly every parent struggles to be consistent. So, instead of quoting parenting experts and child psychologists, let's seek parenting advice straight from the source: your kids. These little humans comprehend far more than we imagine, and their insights might surprise you. Their advice also might help you sidestep some common mistakes.

Mistake #1: Underestimating Your Children

In addition to the problem of too many warnings, Julia says, her parents don't always appreciate their children's capabilities. When her 7-year-old sister recently decided to build a bunk bed for her American Girl doll house, she got nails and wood out of the supply closet and launched right into the project on her own.

"My mom thought she needed help with the nails but she finished the whole thing without any help," Julia recalls. "Some parents don't understand that kids are capable of a lot of things."

When children tackle a challenging project, sport or task without their parents' help, they gain new appreciation for their own abilities. This is a far more valuable experience than they would get if you, the parent, were coaching them at every step and jumping in to hold the hammer or warning them not to hurt themselves. Parents can train their children on a new skill, and then let them take over without interference.

Mistake #2: Refusing to Compromise

Whenever John W., a McLean 15-year-old, is due at soccer practice or a school event, his parents insist on arriving 30 minutes early. When he's running late, they lecture him on the importance of a good reputation, saying that it reflects poorly on the whole family if he arrives late. But the talks haven't convinced him that his parents are right, and he chafes at the 20 or 25 minutes he waits until everyone else arrives.

"Most people from my team show up 5 minutes early," John says. "I don't think people care so much."

Rather than getting with the program of early arrival, he'll often "forget" his shin guards in order to stall departure. He knows he'll get a lecture, but he prefers that to waiting around until the official start time. John wishes his parents would compromise and arrive only 15 to 20 minutes early, so he could stop the passive-aggressive behavior.

Mistake #3: Being So Darn Grown Up

Some of the family times that John enjoys most are when his dad will play video games with him or toss the football around. He wishes that he could have more relaxed, one-on-one time with his father—and his mother, who seems always to have a long list of her own chores.

"My dad is normally at work from dawn to dark and so I never really get to see him on the weekdays," he says. "My mom is very obsessed with making sure the house is 100 percent clean."

Whatever their age, children blossom when a parent devotes complete attention to sharing their interests, especially in a one-on-one setting. When a child is younger, just 15 or 20 minutes a day of Candyland or building blocks fills her "bucket" of emotional reserve. With a teenager, consider setting aside a couple of hours on a weekend for whatever activity your teen chooses.

Mistake #4: Neglecting Ourselves

Suzanne B. a 13-year-old in Damascus, can tell instantly when her mother is in a bad mood or hasn't had enough sleep – she's more liable to lose her temper with the kids.

"I think my mom is a great parent, and she definitely has a lot of patience," Suzanne says. "I do hope to have kids some day, and what I would do differently is probably not lose my temper as much and maybe I would get more sleep."

When her mother and younger sister are arguing, it affects her, too. "I hate it when my sister and my mom have fights," she says. "There's a tension in the house, and I don't know who to side with."

It can be tempting to put all your energy into your children, family, household and work or volunteer obligations. But if you fail to recharge yourself, you're also shortchanging your children.

Mistake #5: Nagging Instead of Encouraging

In John W's household, freedom and privileges, such as video games, are tied to grades. So John  knows that unless he performs well on an upcoming test he'll be facing a grim future.

"Before the test I know if I don't do well there will be a bunch of extra punishments. That puts an extra level of trying to do really well," he says. "I think I would perform a little bit better if it wasn't as much pressure."

Instead of nagging children to study for a test, consider reminding them of their past challenges and how they worked to overcome them. That kind of encouragement is far more powerful—and pleasant—than the threat of punishment.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis is a journalist who is training with the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington to become a certified parent educator PEPparent.org.